I'm Not ALONE---Because of Him...

House cleaning!!!

2011-12-30T23:36:00.003+10:30

Yep!!! Been doing most of the house cleaning today~ exhausted but still I would like to drop by few words here... It was funny when I cleaning up my room this afternoon, too many boxes under my bed which needs re-arranging and packing all my books into those boxes. Guess what? I found a birthday card in one of the boxes, it was surely to me on my birthday 2 years ago but only one person who wrote something in it.... MY Gosh~ I never knew they have given me this card before... VERY INCOMPLETE BIRTHDAY CARD~ Asked sister about the card, she just laughed and laughed... >_

YES!!! Soon we are going to welcoming year 2012!!! :D Do you have any goals or anything you want to achieve in the year 2012?

Erm... So much thing and goals I really want to achieve and I would never expect anything in 2012. Just wish for the best in everything I do, my career, relationship, friendship, family, and more~ :)

See you again (not byebye)

2011-12-30T23:18:00.004+10:30

So sad I couldn't make it on time to see her off in the airport :( it would be nice if I can make myself into half without have to died just to be there for both Lulu and my dear's family at the same time... But I know it's impossible and surely it's beyond our human's ability :P~

Lulu, you are just so special and someone I hope I could know you even earlier in years... We are just getting closer since end of last year... You are so true and treating us with your warm and truly heart without complaining or talk bad about us. You are just so special to me!!!! :) Whenever I needed someone to be here with me in times of despair and sad, you never say "NO" or "Sorry I am busy". Kindly enough you will just come over and be there for me :( not most of people or friends could do this like you, my dearly Lulu...

Thank you very much for your lovely gifts and cards:) made me cry though~ :'( Thanks Lu... You will always be missed.

Love you so much Lulu and our friendship's not gonna change!!!

~BIG SHOPPING~

2011-12-27T22:31:00.009+10:30

It seems stupid and weird- asked what for?! Why?! But after re-think~ So what? No feeling at all and none of our business at ALL either! Who cares~~~ We may not be cool at times, but our heart is true and better than the one with fake inside and out~

Life isn't all about the past but it's all about the future and moving forward to those REALLY treasure and cherish you~ :) with BIG SMILE~ hehe...

Wow~ BIG BIG BIG SHOPPING today!!!! :D Brands that we bought today: ~Zara, CK, Guess, DKNY, Armani, Tommy H., Ben Sherman, Country Road, Kookai, Polo, Levis' and Burberry....

Got everything for Chinese New year!!! Coolies~ :)

Well, it was cool but extreme exhausted~

Bye Bye Christmas

2011-12-26T16:03:00.010+10:30

Sister got scared by the "pop" sound!!!! HAHAHA~

So fast that Christmas has gone and now the year 2011 is going to end soon and welcoming 2012.

Edge Church's Christmas service yesterday was really good especially the sermon about life's transformation:) LOVE IT! Can't wait for this coming Sunday's sermon (New Year 2012).

Yesterday after church, sister and I had quick McD. Preparing Turkey roll, salads, and baking stuffs~ It was really fun :)

D & E

2011-12-14T16:59:00.005+10:30

Arghhhhhhh can't wait to go home soon for Chinese New Year!!!!! So excited~ :) This time he is coming with me:) he? who is he??? ;) Of course, he is him:) lame~

But yeah~ although we are in our 4th or < month of relationship, it feels like we have been together for longer than that:) Love isn't measured by the length of period we being together but true love comes from us:) Most importantly it's a LOVE from God too...:) God has made us together, He will definitely bless our relationship and our future ahead:)

Filled with LOVE always~

Those years- you and me.

2011-12-14T10:37:00.010+10:30

我从来不会用华语to write my blog as I can't write 华语（pinyin) at all. 不过我还是要try to bring up my story in chinese. Especially my little aunty laughed me for not able to write or read Mandarin as good as my brother. So, just proving myself:) however, I am using pinyin and guessing the words. Not sure if you could understand:P

After watched the movie called; “那些年我们chasing的女孩”。I believe everyone has had those years (那些年) once in school days:). These film really brought lots of memories to me; especially in my primary school years. Though it might be too young compared to the film called 那些年 as in high school.

However as long as you has had those years once- it can't distinguish between primary school years, high school years or even university years.

今天一早起来得失后，突然想起当年的我们。Soon we are entering the year 2012~ 我还在寻找这你。虽然我不知到你会在世界的那一个角落，我还是很希望上帝能让我在意见你的一天。那时侯。。。。你就这样的走了（moved) without telling me..........

回到1995年 Primary 1 (1A)，我上小学的那一年。。。因为我得胆小，常常哭这要回家 :P 为了要逃这回家，我还打了老师and校长。所以classroom里的全部学生都很讨厌我，因为我真的太吵了。Almost每一天都是哭哭啼啼的。回想起，如果我是他们的话我觉得我也会很bek cek!

Later, 我的弟弟 transferred到跟我一样的学校，我就在也没有哭了。不过，我的classmates就每天的笑我欺负我-这一次的哭不是因为要回家but then 是因为被人欺负了。。。我的Primary 1 就这样的一直被欺负到 beginning of primary 2 (A).

在Primary 2 (A) 的时候他们还在欺负我，还叫classroom 里最坏的一个男生来欺负我，有时还会打我打道哭。我可以民白他们这么的欺负我也是因为我是classroom 最矮小的一个吧。比较容易被欺负的（*clear throat* 不过我很可爱哦）哈哈哈。直到有一天，我告诉我自己我不可以就这样的被欺负下去。那一天上PJ，那个每天欺负我的男生在returning books to all the students, 那些女童学又要欺负我了。她们大声的叫；"ALEX!!!!!!!Let's bully Hui Hui!!!!" Yep, 他就是Alex.

那着很多书的他很快的跑着过来想打我，我不知到我吃了什么tablet，我那时真的很生气的很大力的一脚把他给打掉了。。。拿这很多书的他坐在 "tong sampah" 里面。全部人也傻眼了 (Speechless). 从之一后在也没有人敢欺负我了。。。我也从那时侯起变到很‘男人婆’。现在反而我变到一直欺负他，一直打他。

到Primary 3 (A) 的时候我们两个就变到很好的朋友。直到有一天，他告诉我；"我喜欢你". 哈哈哈。。。那时侯的我们都不知到什么是爱请，什么是喜欢就在那边说喜欢喜欢。。。but then 他说了过后，我有开始了欺负他打他。不过他都每回手过。。。记得有一次我们在classroom 里一直讲话，然后就被老师 punish。Very embarrassing... 我们两个被 punish 要stand up on the table。好ugly 哦~ 我又wore skirt that time。。。笨蛋的老师. 不过我们还可以的continue with our talk. 哈哈哈。End of primary 3, 我们要回来学校‘打少’ before school holiday. 那时侯我们玩到很开心。那些后的我，多希望学校快点开课所以我可以再看到他。

在 Primary 4 (A) 的第一天，我听说很多学生可嫩会be in different classes. 我很怕，还很快的跑到我的classroom （4A) 里，没看到他。心里在想，他因该在别的classroom 了。那时侯的我也没有去想到跑去别的classroom 找他。放下书包的我，就拿起了broom and sweeping floors... 然后，他就出现了。。。走进classroom 的第一局话他说了；"Wah!!! So good girl ar you!!! sweeping floor wor~" 我那时pretending that he's just so annoying。不过其实心里是很开心的。。。他也一起的拿起 broom and sweeping floors :) 在reading this 的你们一定觉得我在软软的写fairy tale~ 这是“我的那一年”。。。在Primary 4 的他还有时后会用body language to show "我爱你". 他坐在我的旁边的旁边，所以每次我看过去得失后，笨笨的他就会show 那个sign. 那时，全部人都知道他喜欢我。我也开始的对他有一点点的喜欢。有时候，我们还会在电话里讲话。。。而且，那时侯classroom 里也有一个男生喜欢我。太多太多的回忆了~ 看过了那些年，我也有想回去的那种感觉哦。Mid year of Primary 4, Alex 有点点changed. 他便道很喜欢去欺负 or kacau 女学生。那时侯的他真的会染人很生气。所以，classroom 的每个女生男生都很讨厌他。

在 Primary 5 (A), 我们又在同一个classroom, 他又慢慢的便好了。不过classroom 里的人还是很部喜欢他。有一天，他突然告诉我他妈妈very sick and has gone through some nasty treatment. 之后他有好几个星期没来学校，打点话去他的家不过没人听。两个星期后，他回学校了。不过我看到他的衣服旁边and 手有代这一个东西 (normally we put it on if someone in the family passed away). 我就走去问他这么了？他很坚强回我说他妈妈死了，他说是cancer. 那时侯的我那里知道什么是cancer，我只知道is a very serious and nasty disease must be. 学校知道了，就叫学交里的全部学生fund raising to buy him and his family flowers. 不过classroom 里的死bumi-putra 还在insult and saying cruel words to him；"because you are a bad boy and that's why your mum died! good that your mum died!" 我那时后就很生气的骂她们。因该是说全部的华人都骂他们。Almost end of our primary 5, 很开心的嫩在看到他active 了。又来一次的他作那个"I love you" 的 body language。傻傻的我也回他一样的sign~ :P 然后就被全部人笑。他本来是坐在我旁边的旁边的，不过他就自己坐过来了。那时侯老师也没说什么因为我们都finished final exam了。我们就一直的在讲话开玩笑。。。真的很回忆哦。。。School holiday了。我们两个还是会在电话里讲话。。。以前，不管是小学中学，我的mummy 都不可能会allow 我根朋友一起出去。所以，唯一可以跟朋友见面的时候就在开学的时候。

Just right before school opening again (Primary 6), 我try to 打电话给他不过电话都一直busy。开学前一天我在以次的打。。。很开心哦。。。 finally connected:) 不过the person who answered the phone were saying previous owner moved。我在想，他不可能会没告诉我啊？。。。一样的，我很早就到classroom了。我没看到他，不过心里在想，他一定会来的。上课了，老师点名的时候也没点到他。没有人知道他去了那里。。。我也在没有听到他的电话了，他就这样的离开了。真的很怀念当时的我们，那个快乐的童年。不过我还是很生气他当时没有跟我告别！At least 染我跟你说告别ma!!! 什么都没说就消失了。

Even after that, I am still searching and looking for 他on facebook and friendster. 不过都没有他的消息。我even现在还在找他。。。当然是as 以前好朋友的心想在看到他，想问他为什么一句话都没说就走了。。。

我还是想告诉你- Alex, 谢谢你。希望现在你还是象以前一样的玩批and funny。最重要的是你也和我一样的找到我们自己的真爱。。。想告诉你，我现在很开心。。。

那些年，傻傻的我们 :) ~ 笨笨的你~

Mixed feelings

2011-12-11T22:35:00.002+10:30

Mixed feelings inside me:( don't know how I really feel and how I to express it even~ too many mixed feelings (anger, sadness, happiness, etc...).

~My man~

2011-12-08T22:49:00.005+10:30

~White Gold with diamonds~
~Beautiful roses and him~

He is someone special that sent from the above~ His kindness, gentleness, tenderness, caring, loving, and etc... is warmest of my smile ever~

We are getting closer, sweeter and sweeter day by day:) I don't understand why God blessed me with such a wonderful man but surely it makes my life more colourful and happy at all times.

Dearly, if you're reading my blog now~ I would like to dedicate a poem below to you, sweetheart:)

All Because of You

Author: Kate Reneigh Woodruff

I awake each day with a smile And greet it with a laugh; The world is a treasure to me Because of you.  Every time I think of something sad, I replace the thought- with you! My mind is instantly changed And my heart is filled with gladness.  Every breath I take is meant for you, I live this life surrounded in joy And I bathe in the promise of your love, My soul belongs to you.  Each time I see something beautiful I want to take it and bring it to you; My life has so much meaning now All because of you.

All in God's hand

2011-12-06T12:55:00.004+10:30

Went for the interview today at the clinic, not sure how well I did but I think I did very well. Sadly they might not be able to offer sponsorship:( WHY??? :(:(:( Only PRs or citizenships~ :( I always wanted to make a different in people's life, help them and etc~ but something seems to blocked me :( to coming into it.

I was thinking to do further studies in Medicine in 2 to 3 years time, but it seems hard now~ my inabilities is a huge BARRIER to that stage. Medicine or Pediatrics (deals with children or babies and their illnesses) is what I always wanted to.

I really hates and don't want to be a burden to my dearly and lovingly family, people who loved me....:(

Today's devotion is taken from Luke 18:1, it says; "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up."

It's very true... But to persist in prayer and not give up does not always mean endless repetition or painfully long prayer sessions. Always praying means keeping our requests constantly before God as we live for Him day by day, believing He will answer. When we live by faith, we are not to give up. God may delay answering, but His delays always have good reasons. As we persist in prayer we grow in CHARACTER, FAITH, and HOPE.

If it happens that I didn't got the job offer today, I should continue to pray and believe that God will provide me with a better one ahead~ Just have to keep my faith up! Though I really hate waiting and doing nothing even I got those skills and knowledges.

God's amazing touching

2011-12-05T10:44:00.005+10:30

~Reaching out your hands to help them~

Yesterday, sister and I decided to go to Edge Church and we went. I didn't went to the church (Goodwood Methodist Church) we usually goes because it's a combine and bilingual service which I personally find it hard to follow.

Well, it was full of God's people in Edge church yesterday~ very crowded yet still many people praising God with their heart and lifted hands. I've to say that every time I attend the service there, I could heavy felt the touching of God's spirit within me; it's hard to describe or express how it feels like. AMAZING!!! There's a preacher who just came back from the Cambodia's and India's mission trips and he shared what he seen and done. They went and serves the kids in the orphans house- many touching yet heartbroken story about each of the kids; alcohol abuse father and suicidal mother, abondoned kid with cancer, and etc.... They were encouraged us to make donation and also sponsor the kids- honestly, I would have done it if I still working and financially able but I can't~ Seriously, my heart was and is pounding painfully still in my chest whenever I thought of I can't do anything for them. My tears rolled down deep inside my heart and everywhere, even sister were crying too... We both truly felt the touching of God's spirit. However, I know that not just the physically support (donation) we can gives but emotioanl support is much more important. I can felt the touching of God deep inside me and His calling for mission strongly touched me at times.

With my trials and problems I am facing now and looking at the unfortunate kids... Their trials and problems are much more biggest than me. I still have a loving family, godmothers, godfathers, boyfriend, sister, brothers, and friends around me. What can I ask for more?

And yes, Christmas is in the corner and is soon coming~ Have you ever thought or think of the homeless and abondoned kids in orphan's house? I did and always. Don't know why???? but yesterday my heart was filled with God's love, and I felt the heat and warm around me~ :) Also my heart is passionately wanted to reach out to the kids. YEP! It's all about my passion for all the little kids who is yet to know Christ:) I want to join the world mission trips and serving God in wherever He placed me.

In the past few days, my heart and my mind were all blank, and don't know what I really want. Confused... But God has directed me to the mission field~ I wish and I want to be a missionary one day. And of course not by my wish but His will to be done.

My dear children, God is always with you all as He loves you more than your parents. Psalm 27:10"When my father and my mother forsake me. Then the Lord will take care of me."

35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.

My playground 2

2011-11-25T23:19:00.003+10:30

My sweet playground~

2011-11-25T13:57:00.004+10:30

Loving it or addicted:):):)

Thanking him~

2011-11-23T21:37:00.002+10:30

Today's interview went on well:) I really thank God for him for being there throughout the interview:) Don't know what the outcome would be, but I'm trusting God even the outcome might not be what I expected for. I truly believe that God is in control and He is with me.

"So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that showeth mercy."—Romans 9:16
"Whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely."—Revelation 22:17

Not my will but God's will shall be done~

Hear me O Lord~

2011-11-23T09:56:00.003+10:30

Lord, hopefully the interview goes on well~ I commit and surrender everything you...

Cloudy day

2011-11-22T09:48:00.008+10:30

With the cloudy weather outside, made really sick and emotional~ :(

But thank God for given me, my dearly piano and Guitar here to keep me company.

Although I didn't use them quite well but I'm much more relieved with the tune of music~ :)

Have to admit that I'm not a good player as I never go for piano or guitar lesson~ self learning...;)

Life is unpredictable

2011-11-21T23:49:00.008+10:30

Where there's life, there's death too.... It's very true that life is unpredictable, no one knows what will going to happen in the next second, minutes, or hours... Nor scientist can predict about lives. Only God knows...

Received a sad news about the death of church friend's father today. It was so sad how sudden this happened. It's very easy enough to go to that person and said; "I'm sorry having to heard about the death of your dad, but we knew that he is with God now, he is in a better place. God will be with him and your family".

But when I put myself in her shoes, I started to think- I really don't know what to do seriously... Especially I knew that my dad have got a similarly heart problem like hers dad. Or I would probably said dad's heart condition would be more serious and complicated (Hypertension, Heart attack, and MI) than her dad (with no heart problem at all apart from having Hypertension). My dad has gone through several of operations (By-pass, Angiogram, and etc) due to his heart attack and MI. But he's too stubborn and yet still smoking although the doctor and we, family has advised him to quit long ago. Though it's hard I can understand especially for him who have been smoked for more than 30 plus years, but he never try to understand how risky it can be if he carry on for another few years or 10:( he never put in efford to quit which really upset me at times.

***Touch-wood*** I can't imagine what will I do if this happened to my dad. Although he can be very "unpleasant" and "unlovely" person sometimes, but he is a good dad too with no doubt and I won't want to lost him~ I know he loves me very much that he holds too much of pride in him and he never tells me in person that he loves me... which is understandable (for guy). Daddy, I really loves you (that I never tell you enough) and hoping that you would quit smoking too- don't be too selfish! think about us, your family, those who loves you, cares for you~ Don't forget, you live not for yourself but for your loving family.

My daddy have not yet accepted Christ Jesus and I would really pray that God will one day touched his heart to see Jesus (THE TRULY GOD) and accepted Him. I believes that day of salvation will come to him very soon...

Same way also, I pray that the salvation would go to my three brothers, relatives, and friends who are yet to know Christ Jesus.

Lord, peace and comfort go to my friend who are in deep grieving now~

~Disappointing~

2011-11-21T16:04:00.006+10:30

Disappointing... I was very well prepared myself for the interview today, how disappointing it was when I heard; sorry, we really love you to work for us but we don't offer sponsorship". My heart was trembling like a pieces of broken glasses... This is the first time I ever felt like this, although not the first time about the 'not offering sponsorship'. Maybe because I've so much confident (over-confident myself) that I may get the sponsorship as well as the job interview will definitely goes on well. Who knows~~~ :(:(:( heartbroken really~

Woke up very early in the morning and get myself prepared again. On my way there, Abby and I prayed again~

Walked in the door, introduced myself.

The interviewer came to me and said; Sorry Emilly, I just saw you e-mail about the sponsorship... I'm sorry for the late reply. I'm not sure if you would still want to carry on with the interview. Unfortunately, we do not offer sponsorship...:(

Walked out the door with full of disappointment and sad. Seriously, I was about to cry but Abby were there.

I really thank God for Abby. She encouraged me a lot. It was her day off today and she's willingly keep me company all the way. Thanks Abby~ As well as my dearly sister who called me right after that- she given me a great support and encouragement too. Thanks Jiejie~ I love you so much~

And of course he has encouraged me with all the encouraging words. Thanks and I love you very much.

This another person were also amazed me when I saw her message about how my interview went. To be honest, I was deeply touched at that time even though just simply normal msg. I love her too.

My dearly godmom and mummy has been worried and disappointing too, I knew. They have been praying for me too. They also encouraged me and I knew they loves me sooooooooo much too. Thanks godmom and mummy~ I love you heaps~ Although your both aren't here but I can feel your love surrounded me:)

God has been very faithful and good to me with all His loving and tender's Angels all around me. I will never blame Him for not answering my prayers but I will continue to praise Him and wait patiently to His perfect timing. God has although closed this door, but I believes He will again open another door for me. And it's gonna be more exciting and better one!:)

2011-11-19T14:44:00.003+10:30

Why life seems to be unfair sometimes?????????????? Can anyone tell me????????? :'(:'(:'( I'm really sick of these at times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes, you don't even know what have you done and what's happening, with no reason that causes someone to hate you! And that someone can be anyone! It feels like suffering and pain~

Monday~

2011-11-19T11:59:00.004+10:30

Yep~ I will be going for an interview (a battle) on Monday. Very nervous yet excited too:)

Well, let me share a little bit of what's been happened to me recently... As many of you may knew that I've resigned because of some political or conflict going in my workplace which stressed me so much. I have to come home everyday with massive headache (migraine) and even with tears sometimes. No one seems to understand how I felt but God does~ So I decided to quit the job, I knew I've done a silly mistake. I always act too quickly with my decision before even thought of the consequences and what the outcome would be.

Through all these time, I have learnt so much and how to make a wise decision. Well, have been looking for a job for quite sometimes now. Have not yet heard any good response really~ which worried me so much. I prayed and telling God ''I don't really want to go home". Time is getting closer to where I have to leave Adelaide soon (20th November 2011) because my visa will be terminated. Have sent an e-mail to immigration for an extension but not yet reply.

Last week has been really stressful week and hard time for me, I can see how my family, bf, friends, and sister are all worrying about me... and yet I can't do anything. I just felt useless and hopeless:(:(:( I went to beach alone and walked down the sand... Don't know what to do~ then I thought; ummm~ haven't done my devotion for today yet, so I looked on my bible devotion's page. Luke 5:11 it says; And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus. Sometimes, we human being always thought we can do everything by our own without God's help. BUT we are surely WRONG!

The verse really struck me and I suddenly realize that I can't do anything by my own. I should run to the ONE who is in control. I know that I need help and I know that Jesus is the only ONE who can help me now. I just need a faith that Jesus required. Ready to leave the circumstances and follow His foot step.

On Tuesday, I received an offer to work in Victor Harbor. But because of the distance and that I may have to move there which I really don't wanted to. I don't know if I should accept it or not, been praying for it... I was asked to response to them on the following day. But I didn't. I believes God will have a better one for me and I just have to wait patiently~ On Wednesday, I received another phone call about the job, had an interview over the phone which I did really well~ and I was told that they will get back to me pretty soon but until yesterday still not:(

Disappointed I was, waited and waited. Thinking ... maybe God wants me to go back to Malaysia? Just before I left to Mas airline for the ticket changing yesterday, my phone rang... A women asked me for an interview on Monday and also required me to bring my passport along. At that time, I was very happy and praising God!!!!!!

Immigration also have replied; stated that they will not terminate my visa straight away but I may have to explain to them soon. :D:D:D:D So good to hear that!!!! RELIEVED~

Very often God will test our patient and our faith~ Although I didn't really do well but I put my fully trust in Him:):):)

Wish me good luck everyone~ If you are a believer, do include me in your prayers:) Thanks.

LOVE <3

God's love in us~

2011-11-18T09:20:00.006+10:30

Sometimes I do worried so much... worrying how people might look at us or even think of us~ Just few months?

Right, it has been nearly three months I guess, and these whole months has been real beautiful:) I might be a bit selfish sometimes, I knew. Don't know if I love you enough like you do. But now, I'm very sure and confident to tell you that; I can't imagine what my life would be without you. Sometimes I felt that; "God, You loves me so much~ You've given me a wonderful man into my life that I can't believe myself too".

:) he is a miracle really, each and everyday with him (whether with his presence or not) I treasure in my heart. I can't believe God placed him in my life. It felt like a dreams (a dream when you woke up and everything is gone) but this isn't a dream~ Before he came into my life, I told myself to never be in love again after my broken relationship back in 4 years ago which I've been so cruel to my ex that I really hurt-ed him so deeply. Well, I know I was wrong and silly with that thought in mind. Somehow, God placed him into my life. I never thought I will meet a friend like him and never even thought that I will fell in love with him... At first, I was so afraid of letting him in and being hurt again but I'm so glad that he didn't give up on me.

What he mean to me, I'm learning more that words will never do. I wanted to tell him that; I love you and thank you:) you've filled that hole in my heart that has been missing for years. Thanks for being there always when I needed someone, thanks for being who you are, and again thanks for loving me. So dear, if you are reading this- I'm going to show you with my life how much you mean to me. But of course I could not do it without the ONE who made us both to see. God played and play the biggest role in our life before, now, and ahead...

You always told me how beautiful I am (although I do not agree:P), but you've always showed me that I was worth something more than I could ever imagine.

It's great to see how the Father's love revealed in us. Even just the two could never be enough and although we are committed when times get tough, we still need the ONE who is faithful and so true... It takes me, JESUS, and you.

It's hard to understand how people see us, why they don't agree and what others says; "just give them a couple of years and their love will fade away~" But I truly pray that they would come to know this love... Love that not just what we feel, but love that sent from up above (a precious gift). So with Jesus the love grows more and more until the final day. Therefore, with our love we celebrate the ONE who gave His life away.

I know when we say forever, it's gonna be forever because we are not here to try this out or even to doubt- We are going to press on through beyond a shadow of a doubt. For we based our lives upon the love of Jesus Christ so we simply recognise the truth and give the Lord our lives.

Thanking God~

2011-11-17T22:31:00.003+10:30

Beautiful? :) YES~ it is definitely beautiful:)

Well, I've to admit that; I am very happy with my life... especially when he came into my life. People may not understand but I believe you and I deeply understand. I really want to thank God for who He is and His blessing to me.

I'm so excited about what yet to come and about the future. Everything is in God's will and control...

Although thing may not seems going well in my life now but with his support and encouragement to me- I'm so much relieved:)

:):):):):) But once again, I just want to concluded these by saying; I AM WORLD'S MOST HAPPIEST WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Decision making

2011-11-15T22:29:00.001+10:30

Right! It's never being easy for making a wise decision- especially decision of life.

To be honest, decision making is life's most difficult task I would say... It can cause you to stress, struggle, depressed, confusing, and anxious..... Anyhow, I don't know where God might take me to. It seems overwhelming... Sometimes, not everything comes along just when we want it to be. There are times when we have to make a decision and act quickly or we will simply miss out. BUT HOW? Although the decision we made sometimes don't make life easy, somehow they do make it easier for us.

On the other hand, people around may not agree or understand with the decision we made. They may probably right too... I just saw what is now rather than what the outcome might be~ This quote is very true; "It's easy to judge, to think we know for certain the right thing to do. Sometimes, it just isn't so clear."

We can't please others with our lives, the decision and choice must be us.

“Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again and again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have.”

Sigh

2011-11-09T22:44:00.003+10:30

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Marie Curie

Lord, I am really in deep stress and struggle with the situation I will face and about to face... Sometimes I feel like I am sitting in a empty and chilling room alone, and people that seems closes to me, people that I love, people that I care, they just doesn't care that how much I love and cares for them. They doesn't even care whether you are alive or dead. To them, I'm just a stranger or enemy. But oppositely to me, they are my best and people that I treasure most, and the only people I trust.
Lord, I can understand that why You planned all this for a reason. I'm only me- very ordinary human being. That is all I can be. Never to much or less~ Sometimes, I love, I live, I laugh, and I cry too. Sometimes I even wished that I could just sleep forever and never wake up again- to face the trials and storms ahead of me that seems scary and terrified. There are people may not like me, but that's okay because this is me and how I will stay like me forever.

Hold Me

I'm hurt all the time.
I don't want to cry for the way I feel inside.
I just want someone to hold me...
I'm alone in the dark, please try to find me.
If no one cares, I don't see a point to go on.
Anyone find me! Anyone care!
I'm sorry, I just don't want to be alone anymore.
I feel unheard and unseen. Depressed and weak.
No one cares and yet I'm always the sorry one.
Someone find me! I'm scared.
Please hold me until it all ends.
Just hold me that’s all I want.
I don't want to be alone in the dark.
Just hold me as I start to disappear from the light.
Just hold me as I start to cry.
Just hold me so I wont be alone inside.
Just hold me so I don't do something wrong.
Just hold me so tight, that for a moment I could feel the light....

God's amazing work and plan

2011-11-07T23:54:00.000+10:30

Umm.... I suppose to post something about the swimming today (how great and fun) but I guess there's something much more important to share:)

Well, from my previous post about my little sister (meimei). We grew up together... We are both brought up from non-Christian family. We used to hate Christian believers and hate they religion very much. But somehow, it was incredible to see how God brought me back to Him. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour when I was 17y.o. Of course it wasn't because of the people around me that pushes or forces me to accept but because of few circumstances and what had happened to me, my life were miserable and tough. But this God, named Jesus brought me through all the trials and circumstances by His amazing work in me and also I learn to seek His help.

Though it has been painful moment, but God has been faithful and mercy to me, carrying me down those painful moments... He touched me in such a real way and I can truly feel His tender love to me and waiting for me to response to His love. Back in 2006 May, I accepted Christ Lord Jesus. In His mercy, the Lord has been faithful to answer my prayer and He is still answering it even today. I've been praying for the salvation of my family and relatives, and God has answered in His timing- My mum and grandma has accepted Christ:)

However, the reason for this post is all about my little sister (meimei). I was extremely happy and amazed to heard that she's been going to church recently...

Meimei, jiejie really really really proud of you!!!!!!! You may not know or understand why but I believe you will one day knows. Although I don't know the reason behind or the whole story but I would really love to hear from you soon. I am excited. I can't wait to see what God is going to work in your life:) And I know you may not truly believe or accept yet but God's timing is always right and perfect just as how He had done for me.

I praise Him for who He is and what He has done~

I've recently faced some trials and difficulties in life... It seems overwhelming, burdening, and stressing me a lot but I knew God is in control- He knew what's best for me. He will make a way for me and His plan is always perfect.

Bike Rider...LOL

2011-11-07T01:08:00.003+10:30

It was like; Spin Spin Spin Spin Stop Spin Spin Spin Spin, spin, spin, spin, spin.
Stop and take a drink, ah, cool.
Spin, spin, spin, spin, spin......

Hehe... It was my very first time be able to ride a bike in Adelaide. I can hardly recall when was the last time on the bike:P But it was great and fun!!!! Although it was very unsteady to start at the beginning but after that felt much more comfortable, smooth, and gone faster and faster~ hehe... but when gone up hill, I became strength-less and not able to ride all the way up hill (only half way through) I was impressed that we rode for about 14km today... Even Daniel was surprised :P Something surprised me even more was my sister... She very rare will go for exercise but she was doing perfectly great today!!! I was really amazed. hehe... It was funny when she told me that she might sign up for Olympic next year. HAHA... Cute sister of mine.

It was great to be able to see God's creation and those beautiful views:) Amazing!!!!:) I actually closed my eyes for few seconds when sister and Daniel were talking, and with the movement of the bike itself brings freedom, I could feel how far I have moved and traveled:) The harder I pushed, the more I merge with my surroundings:) How I wish there is endless ride:)

Meimei

2011-11-05T00:41:00.003+10:30

Dear readers,

Don't be surprised or strange with the title. It simply means 'little sister' as in Mandarin...:) Yep! I am going to write about her! :) She's just my sweet little sister, brave yet so strong...:)

Well, we played, fighted, shared and grew up together:) She is my sister by little blood but heaps of love:)

Back in our childhood, we used to went to each others house for overnight and long chit-chatting; Talks about our dreams.... She knows and understand me so well than I knowing myself, she's always there when I needed her.:) She's my best little sister ever although I never really tell her in person yet. But Ying, if you're reading this- Jiejie wanna tell you that how wonderful and precious you are to me! I could never asked for more.:)

When I looked back, everything we went through and looking at now- we are grown up adult now... oh my~ time passed really quick~

Whenever I thought of the day I left to Australia, you were only 16y.o. We were on the phone, you were crying and my heart was so hurt... I believe I've never told you that didn't I? That time, you were at school and just given me a very quick call during break. Silly meimei, you made me cried in the airplane though...:'( with all the pictures of our happy times in my mind that time in the plane~

Meimei, you are really different! Not just with your maturity but your everything! I know and can understand what you going through now... Meimei, jiejie might not be a good accountability or encouragement-giver, but I want you to know that- so many people around you who loved you so much... Don't because of one pulled out and made your life miserable. You are not alone, meimei... You're not alone going through this... I won't tell you more. But surely you're not alone in this journey of sorrow and brokenness, your family, jiejie, and many more... Meimei, I want to see your happy and beautiful smile again... That one person don't know how to treasure you, but we do know~ Jiejie will walk with you, cry with you, and stands with you in all your ups and downs.... Because I know how to treasure you and jiejie will treasure you everyday in my heart.

Of course, there's more to talk about my little sister~ to be continue~

All about me and this guy~

2011-11-04T22:57:00.009+10:30

Erm... where should I start? I will try to cut the story as short as I can:)

First time we met each other were during the Hillsong's conference in Adelaide. That was very first time and we didn't really talked much:) To be honest, I can't recall what we had said to each other. But all I know was how amazing to see God's plan and how He brought us through...
Later, our youth cell was organizing a re-treat to a country area, named Mannum:) Again, I saw him but didn't talked much. I was thinking; ummm why is he here again? he don't usually come to the cell:) For the first day, we talked whenever we had the chance, and got to know each other.

We had such a great fun during the day and at night time we all gathered together, having huge Australian bugger.

We getting to know each other more and I got to know who he is now:) Daniel.

Second day of the re-treat, we get to talked even more. He asked; how old are you? and I replied; 22yrs and how about you? ; 25y.o. and the conversation carried on.........

I really enjoyed the time in Mannum and would love to come back again one day~ what a lovely and beautiful place... Nice blue skies~
One day, Abby asked if we would come with her to Mannum again as Daniel is going to teach her about manual driving. I agreed as I never drive before and sister agreed to come too. So we all went... It was the third time we met again. Bit cloudy and chilling on the day, carelessly I didn't wore much as I thought it gonna be warm... I was a bit shivering and he offered me his jumper. He's really kind and caring~

Later, each of us would have to come with him in person to go for the drive. I was so shy and nervous that I couldn't even speak. That was the first time we are both alone in the car~ I was sort of mumbler a bit...:P anyway, I started to feel better and comfortable...

Such a long day practicing~ we are all getting tired on our way back to the city. I remembered sister and the all asked if he would come to the cell that night and he replied he's not able to. All of us teased him by saying; go for a date??? He smiled and said yea (the relationship started not long ago).

We are all very happy for him:)

After a week, I saw him online and he doesn't sounds happy or in a good mood. Asked what's happened and he replied; broken relationship. :(:(:( He sounds sad and unhappy. I don't know what sort of encouragement words to give but just tried my best. He told me he felt much better after talked to me.

Everyday since then, I will try to messaging him to see how he is and the same he will sent me text message too. As day by day, I started to feel .... ummm~ Who is he? Why should I care so much for him? Why do I need to reply his messages?

Then we grew closer and our friendship grew deeper and we developed new feelings for each other...although we didn't confessed.

Many times, I knew he wanted to tell me something and how he felt, but I sort of running away and escaped from whatever he trying to tell.

He helped me with the car too. I've bought a car and got my driving license too. All because of him and what he had done:) I was lucky enough.

Just before I left to Melbourne, sister, Daniel and I went for dinner together. I was touched and surprised when I saw him with bunches of flowers in his hand. I was really happy but at the same time- I am very shy too....

Right after I came back from Sydney, he asked me for a date if I would go? I didn't consider much and agreed. He came and picked me up from work, and we both went for walks at West beach and talked about our lives....

Our love for each other just grew stronger by the day. Sometimes I even asked God, is he the one You have provided me? It really sounds impossible yet magical. He is God sent' angel to show me that unconditional love does really exist. I don't know how people would see us but I have to confess that I'm falling for him too. Even if we both didn't confessed, people around us started realizing that there were feelings between us.

Thank God for him. We submit everything onto Your Thy Mighty Hands for You're in control~

Broken pieces

2011-10-29T00:14:00.002+10:30

God's creation is beautiful and amazing. But it can be disgusting sometimes... They are many kinds of human being in this world. Some people, no matter how well you treated them, they would never knew or understand or even realized it because in their mind, they only thought of the bad side, they only thought of how good they are and how bad we are...

They may many times hurted you so deeply but they never said anything or even a sorry, pretending nothing has happened and holding in their pride.

For me, I would treat my family and closed friends with all my heart, and give my 100% to them!

Deepest pain

2011-07-19T06:02:00.002+09:30

It is the harsdest and most tougher thing to let go a true and bestest friend of you... But still you got to let go sometimes... :'(:'(:'(

God's leading

2011-06-24T05:34:00.003+09:30

:(:( The guiltiness in my heart getting more and more intense...:( Lord~ help me Lord... Whenever I looked back yesterday, my heart just in so much pain... I started to questioning myself all around my mind!!! "She won't have died if I approached her first?", "Will she forgive me?", "If she gonna be heaven?"

Yesterday my day was just full of pressure and everything seems to be hurried!!! It was really stressful:(:(:( But the busyness doesn't stopped me from praying to God, He has leaded me through... After the death of my patient, I suddenly felt so helpless, hopeless, useless, and guiltiness~

This women has been suffered a lot and she's palliative care. I was too busy that I forgotten about her pain relieve... The staff have remained me again and again but the shift was like shi......t. I don't know how to put it into words or even describe them- I don't even get to go to toilet or lunch~ Later, after I finishing all the urgent documentations and assessments, I then went preparing for the extreme pain relieve (Ordine) for her. By the time I went, I was told, ''She has just passed away after taking her last breathe....'' Oh God~ I was so heartbroken and broken and broken!!!!! I just felt so sorry and guilty for her. I am dearly sorry....:(

2011-06-07T05:31:00.001+09:30

Sometimes I feel like I’m a small small bird

I want to fly, but never can fly high
Perhaps one day I perch upon a branch, but become a hunter’s target
I fly up into the sky but realised I’ve now got nothing to hold me up

Every time late at night in silence I can never sleep
I wonder if it’s just me whose tomorrow is not becoming better
What will the future be like, who will know?
Is happiness only a myth that I’ll never find?

I am a small small small small bird
I want to fly, but I just can’t fly high
I search and search for a warm embrace
Is such a thing to much to ask for?

2011-06-06T20:23:00.002+09:30

Why is it any others could understand me but not you? :'( sometimes, I really don't know where should it be or how should it be~ When I really need you, but you shows not interested at all. When I wanna talk, you shows that you're tired. When I need you just to be supportive, but you aren't... I just simply want you to be my s but it seems hard~ :'(:'(:'(

Not the day I want to...

2011-06-06T19:23:00.004+09:30

:( It wasn't the day I wanted it to be~:( What a bad starts of the shift today:(:(:( There was this department health came in early this morning and asked me heaps of question since I was the only one in charge while the other managements come at around 8 or later in the morning. Dealing with this people has already made me stress and nervous- Later I was told that am not suppose to give any information to anyone without them. How do I know??? No one have ever told me or informed me.... if I knew from the beginning, it wouldn't happen then...:( sigh~ No matter how rude she's to me!!! I don't care~ I just do my best, I don't have to prove anything to her~ I just do my job and what am suppose to be doing!!!

I love about my devotion this morning: a story about Job in the bible... Satan attacked Job's motives, saying that Job was blameless and had integrity only because he had no reason to turn against God. Satan wanted to prove that Job worshiped God not out of love but because God had given him so much. Satan accurately analyzed why many people trust God. They are fair-weather believers, following God only when everything is going well or for what they can get. Adversity destroys this kind of superficial faith. But adversity strengthens real faith by causing believers to dig their roots deeper into God in order to withstand storms. How deep does your faith go? Put the roots of your faith down deep into God so that you can withstand any storm you may face.

All this passages has really spoke to me throughout those circumstances and hard times. God is good and He always is!!! I thank God for this brother in Christ (Daniel) who willing to listen to my problem and to talk to. Thank God really... And also to my jiejie who also being a good listener to me. Misunderstanding will fade but our love for each other will never fade. She is always my sister... There are times I always upset-ed her which I don't even realized, am really sorry...

Sometimes, because of self stupid-ness and always response inappropriately- people may think you are idiot and stupid as always.

Proud to be myself

2011-05-26T05:27:00.002+09:30

I am proud to be myself although others may not think so... As long as I am proud of myself and God Himself proud of me- that's all I want! I don't care about others! Since others may not care about you at all too~

Now that this newly me, is going to be different; look things differently, doing things differently, making decision differently, seeing things differently, and what is the more important is that whatever I do, I don't have to care what others think! Because THAT is ME!

2011-05-25T05:58:00.002+09:30

Finally I could let go slowly... Everything doesn't hold me back now... whatever it is or it may cost, it doesn't mean so much to me now, not as important as before now~ time will let it pass~

2011-05-24T05:50:00.000+09:30

如果不是你的就不要勉强，因为勉强只会然自己不开心。。。是你的，就永远是你的。而如果不是你的就好好的放手。。。to let go for good. . .

Rainy day...

2011-05-23T21:19:00.006+09:30

Drops get falling and shaking the trees~ I stood by the window and looked up at the bright clouds of orange and pink and slowly it went darkened, it makes me homesick and missing my sister really...:( But at this moment, I have such peaceful and calm feeling inside me as precious words came through my mind and head in song which allowed my sadness and discomfort faded away... (If it's yours, no one could take them away from you but if it isn't yours- you will never have it!)

This rainy and windy day really made me sick~ not physically but emotionally...

Later as the sun goes down further, my heart started to remember that I have nowhere to go and all I know is I am alone~how I really wish and hope that I could dream my life away!!!!!!! However, later in the afternoon as it was raining still, I realized that I've been wasted the day in thinking and thinking all the nonsense ~ Finally I found the key to open the door of my heart and it makes my heart calm and stopped the pain sensation. And I notice that life isn't so bad or vile as I think it will...

Most people may not truly understand me but as long as I understand well of myself- that's it:) I may not be intelligent or clever but I am strong in spirit and assertive.

Full of questions

2011-05-22T01:08:00.006+09:30

Have you ever had too much/full of questions in your head that you couldn't even find an answer??? I have always asking myself; 'Why? Why?' I know I am not as intelligent as others do, I may not be as clever as everyone do, I am not perfect, BUT please~:( I'm not idiot... Whatever mistake I've had made, I'm willing to learn although others may think it's silly and stupid. Is that a sin for being imperfection, mistake, un-intelligent,...?

All I know is- I've always being true to myself~ no matter how people may sees me as.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscious stupidity. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."
-Bertrand Russell

Finally I come and update a little of myself... Well, I am doing very good recently but I was in such despair and hurts when I found out. I could hardly stop crying out in my heart and you never know the pain inside was so bad:( thought I may loss my faith and hope- I really really really down... What I felt inside me is that you cares more of yourself instead of us. I'm really not proud and I know it was wrong to have such thinking. That's the problem with my own weaknesses. All I know is- I love my parents, my brothers, my sister, my grandma, my relatives...and of course- friends. Please.... I will not ask anything from you, but don't judge who am I and be understandable... Only these will calms me like nothing else can, only these will make me strong again, only these could make me being still and firm, and only these could make me myself.

Lonely Easter

2011-04-23T06:08:00.001+09:30

The song above really encouraged me so much...

2011-04-18T06:37:00.002+09:30

I have to come to really understand and accept THE Truth... Accepting what I have got in the beginning and what I don't have for forever... It's true...I've to say this~ no point trying so hard to achieve it when it's not belong to you...

Biggest sigh :(

2011-04-07T14:31:00.001+09:30

Can anyone tell me what's going on? What to do? I've got no idea...:( I hate the results of everything!!! And I hate being in this position.... Where should I go????:'(:'(:'(:'(

2011-04-06T21:29:00.002+09:30

I've done what I could but still there isn't any result...;( I shall give up... Sometimes, I just have to let it be...

Sigh

2011-04-05T21:25:00.003+09:30

I've had a bad day today....:( Supposed to be real good day of my day off but it turned oppositely... Uselessly I am...... :( LORD... What to do to not creating such troubles and ANGERs always???

2010-11-22T23:33:00.003+10:30

I believes everyone will face disappointment in their life once or more~ Sometimes you treat this person so good but you don't get the same from them.... They will just treat you like nothing~ Trust me!!!! Only God will never fails or disappoints you~

Boredom

2010-11-18T14:05:00.002+10:30

The cure for boredom is curiosity and there is no cure for curiosity... Nobody is bored when he or she is trying to make something that is beautiful, or to discover something that is true.

When I really feel like working (doesn't mind afternoon or what), always never get a call from them!!!!!!!!!!! Thing just don't go my way~ sigh~

Christmas Pageant

2010-11-13T12:10:00.002+10:30

Woke up early in the morning and heard a loud noise + Christmas songs from below my unit. I was wonder what's going on? Christmas?(well, it's too early).... and I went on to search on google: 'Adelaide Today- Christmas Pageant...' Woow cool... It makes me realized, the time passed too quickly... come to the end of 2010~

Later, my sister and I decided to go and take some pictures. It was full of crowds and bit of rain!!!!! There isn't a good place that we can take good picture. But finally sister found a place that we can see the pageant clearly~ it was quite fun!!!!:D I won't bother to upload all of the pictures as I've uplaoded them in my FB and it took too much of my time to upload them:)

However, it was quite rush as my sister have to go to the blood center (blood test). After that, we went to a restaurant called; Piatto for lunch. The food is delicious and with a reasonable price- we both enjoyed so much. Fun having a day off and spent time with my sister.... THIS IS LIFE;) quoted from my best friend called; Esther CHIONG. :)

Another raining day...

2010-11-12T13:45:00.005+10:30

This weather really make me sick...:( and pretty down!!! I lost my incredible magic pen that I've been searching for long- now it has gone~ :'( I always wanted to have this pen so much. It has been with me through ups and downs of life~ now that I have to move on without having it!!!! Or maybe we are made to separates. I think that if you and I idealize something or someone for long, they can only disappoint and we wouldn't want to be disappointed by those people or even just a thing. Lord, I feel like crying now~ it's too heavy and overwhelming for me...:'( I got disappointed in human nature as well and gave it up because I found it too much like my own!!!!!!!!!!!

Once it's gone, it's gone... There's no way to search for it~ It's gone forever~ I love this quote here :''I you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'" Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You can't do that. It's gone, gone forever.... Sometimes at night, I lie awake and asked myself 'Where have I gone wrong? What happened to me these day? Why do I feeling this? Who can I tell to? Then I heard a voice coming from my heart says: This is going to take more than one night!'

2010-11-12T00:25:00.002+10:30

Exhausted after been working 8 hours heavy shift tonight... But it started to quiet down at around 10pm~ sat on the chair when there's nothing to do- looking around and playing with phone~ sounds cool? very enjoying? NOT AT ALL.... It's really bored, quiet, and unhappy~ If it isn't because I've not been working enough shift, I would not have accepted afternoon shift...makes me homesick really~ I felt like I am too selfish. I am the person I let myself be, I can be thoughtful and do all I can to help or I can be selfish and think just of myself sometimes...

While there's nothing to do, I sat and think~~~ there's many thing in life I should and really have to change~ As always the same- I failed... I can be patient with those who may not understand or belittle and hurt them as much as I can. But I have faith in myself and God- I believe what I say, and I personally intend to make the best of each day... One thing I have to be sure and come to realization is that ''If this is yours, it will be yours... if it isn't, just let go and reminds myself that this very moment is the only one I know I have for sure. AND Stop expecting what I want it to be when it's impossible and never gonna happen.''

Smile if can no matter what!!!! :D

Guitarrrrrrr

2010-11-11T13:40:00.002+10:30

Well, it has been long long long time I haven't been playing or practicing my piano~ However, never get bored of music!!! Music is always my dream since young~ Of course it isn't only for my own interests and hobbies but it sometimes helped me with my stress, difficulties and unhappy moment. As well as, it also helps me to expressing my emotion through the song I played, helps me to move on, helps numbed my pain inside, and ................................................
As you can see the picture above (My lovely and dearly Miss Keyboard), it has been quite sometimes I haven't been playing for~ poor Miss Keyboard...covered by the dust.

Let me introduces Miss Keyboard's new friend for you----> MR Guitarrrrrr!!!!! I bought him two months ago I guess... Been learning so hard to play a good song and it's not easy than I thought compared to piano~ But now, I am slowly there~ It took me three days to learn to play piano~

But... as for guitar, it took me ages~ However, I would never give up!!!! Will continue on~
Found so many mistake after haven't been playing long... oh my~ That's why practicing is important!!!

2010-10-24T22:18:00.002+10:30

Really and deeply confused~ Maybe it happens to me only... or if I really thinking too much??? I have enough, Lord~ I need rest! Give me rest now, Lord... I am exhausted.

I'm back again!!!

2010-09-18T11:20:00.002+09:30

Haven't been updating my blog for ages. Well, haven't been doing so well lately and just hoping everything I do and does will not cause trouble or brings burden to others. I've just made a extreme decision which I don't know whether or not it is the right decision. But I hope after all, it will bring less trouble and unhappiness. Please pray for me if anyone read this. BUT please don't ask me what decision it is- not even my family. Thanks all:) Will come back again soon~

2010-08-09T06:19:00.002+09:30

After spending what might seem like a lifetime with 'someone', I come to the realization that there are reasons that I have to let 'someone' go. There are in our lifetime, many reasons to let someone go, and for various reasons. It might have been caused by non related relation. One of the most difficult is letting go of a closed person that have been through with you all the ups and downs. Life as you have known it will no longer be the same. Letting go of a life as you have known it, and accepting the changes that come with it, is difficult and can at times, be quite painful. However each of us face having to Let Someone Go at some time in our lifetime.

When I feel like escape from difficult circumstances

2010-08-03T09:29:00.002+09:30

Many time in life, I have always wanted to run away from difficult circumstances and burdens- Music and instrument is the best aids for this... and of course prayer! Often we close our eyes when we sleep, we cry, we imagine, we kiss, and etc.... you know why? it is because the most beautiful thing in the world is unseen (God). Have you ever try to run so fast to get somewhere? I believe everyone have at least once or two experienced this. When we run very fast to get the destination we wanted to, we will always miss the fun of getting there. Similarly to our life! Life is not a race, so take it slower... hear the music before the song is over~

I love so much about this quote here: 'Life is a mixture of sunshine and rain, teardrops and laughter, pleasure and pain. Just remember, there was never a cloud that the sun couldn't shine through...' ; 'When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.'

Our daily life is like a book or journal...each day is a new page (today's page will be totally different to yesterday's or tomorrow's). The happiest person doesn't have the best of everything in life. Perhaps he or she is just good in making the best of everything that life brings along his or her way. So I telling myself today to stay happy always!!!! Learn to appreciate!!! People who do not know about APPRECIATE and THANK YOU is LOSER~ learn to appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain. It's just like loving again after experiencing the pain! NOT JUST GO AWAY~ The beauty of life does not depend on how happy you are, but on how happy others can be~ because of us! One measure of family consists not in the number of words that friends can discuss, but in the number of words they need no longer mention.

Always I telling myself this: I am worth not for what I have! Not even for who I am! But for what others have become because of me. When things go wrong don't go blue. Just go to your room, close the door, and pray alone to God and say to yourself 'I will get through'... Always remember God loves us!!!!

To be strong one should have faith in one's self and trust in one's strength. It takes strong heart to overcome every hardship that will come. Have faith in yourself and believe. Life is a one-way street... No matter how many detours you take, none of them leads back. So enjoy life every moment as none of them will happen the same way again. Valuing a person is not merely seeing each other everyday. What counts most is that somehow in our busy life, we remember each other even just by saying ''Take Care''.

Love this quotes here: ''We are never given dream without also being given the power to make them come true. Life can give you a hundred reason to cry, but you can give life a thousand reasons to smile...''.

Rest in peace my dearly grandpa

2010-08-02T19:24:00.003+09:30

Really sad and missing him so dearly~ my grandpa has passed away on Sunday while I was at Church- my heart was beating so fast and scares whenever the phone's ringing- I didn't get to pick up the phone and a voice mail received- saying that grandpa has just passed away... what a heart breaking news... I was going to go to church and ask everyone to pray for my grandpa after the service but before it happen, grandpa has passed away... Couldn't accept really~ Uncontrollable tears... I really really miss him so much~ I wasn't able to be back home with everyone and of course my grandpa during his critical ill in hospital, so regretfully that I didn't get to say GOODBYE... Another ONE MORE thing that caused me so guilty and regret is that, before he passed away or getting ill, he wanted me to call him- but I was too busy and forgotten. Until Saturday night, a cousin of mine rang me and told me that grandpa was very serious now and very sick, he's coma and doctor said his liver stopped working. Asked them to be ready for his going~

One thing I do learn from grandpa's leaving is that never delay but react or take action immediately before its too late~ I knew grandpa have been suffered enough and it hurt him. Similarly, it hurt me too... But now that he's gone. All I know is I miss him so dearly~ Grandpa were there for so long and I never thought he would leave and I thought he had another years to go... I thought I might able to see him during my brother's wedding next year. But~ he just gone...:'( The day that he left and leaving was the saddest of my life and I remember sitting at home, crying~ I really thank you so much for my sister who have been by my side through all the pain~ Thank you so much for her... I might be selfish but I wish he's here for one or two more year. I know he loved me and I still love him too, so I'm trying to be strong just for him. I know I'm not perfect, and I will never be. I just hope he's up there and that he's proud of me. Grandpa, I just want to tell you that you're always in my heart even though I still cry, I know we're not apart... Rest in peace~ Good that you are back home now with Jesus~ Love you...

God restores the soul...

2010-07-28T10:37:00.003+09:30

This week has been very stressful and moody times... Get frustrated, angry, and annoyed easily~ To be honest, I've stopped praying and reading bible or even devotions weeks or even month ago.... THE ONLY REASON stopped me for this is that I felt that I'm not worthy to pray to Him or even call to Him as I've committed all sins which is against the Lord. I couldn't forgive myself and I told myself that surely I don't even deserve God's forgiveness... I've been telling myself all this~ Until yesterday, I'm totally burst!!!! Never been so angry like yesterday!!!! I even showed my anger to one of the patient yesterday...:( Am really guilty for that. REALLY...

There are few residents called me 'angel little Emily'- My heart aching so much and felt the brokenness in me when I heard this. As I am not an angel!!! I'm not worthy so much to be called angel~ What my sister had said is true! 'Why angry the one that done no wrong?' Yes admit it! I am not so much better than that one. That one is so much better than me!!!!! SOSOSOSOSO super better than I am. I really hated myself~ I've done so much thing that have hurted my family and all my loved one included my jiejie. I wish they will never forgive me... BUT~

This morning, after had my breakfast... I try and started to pray to the Lord: 'My Father who art in Heaven, Hollowed be thy name, thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, give me this day, my daily bread, and forgive me... Dear Lord,... (sigh) I... (started crying)... Lord, I've been stopped praying and read Your words... because I am NOT NOT NOT worthy so much to pray to You, or read Your words, and call You, Father. I couldn't easily forgive the one I hated and surely I don't deserve your forgiveness either. Lord, I felt so broken-hearted. Will You heal the big hole inside me? Will You still forgive me????? even I've sinned against You!!!?'. I can't help with my tears~ couldn't hold nor control...it just burst like a river~

Quickly I went and read 'Our Daily Bread' for today. GUESS WHAT IS IT??? It talks about 'Expert Repair' and the scriptures taken from Jeremiah 6:16- Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls. I really loved the content inside. It begins with; If you've ever tried to fix something and failed, you'll appreciate the sign I saw outside an automotive repair shop: We Will Fix What Your Husband Fixed. Whether the problem is the car, the plumbing, or an appliance, it's usually better off in the hands of someone who is skilled and trustworthy. So it is with the sin and the struggles within us that resist our efforts to mend them.

Jeremiah denounced the greedy prophets and priests of his day who ''healed the hurt of God's people slightly, saying 'peace, peace!'when there is no peace'' (Jeremiah 6:14). They could neither change themselves nor lead the people to spiritual transformation. So the Lord called the people to follow His way: ''Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls.'' (Jeremiah 6:16). Centuries later, Jesus the Son of God, said: "Come to ME, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).

The parts of our lives that we have tried and failed to repair can be restored by the hand of God. Through faith in Jesus Christ, we can be made whole!!! And this passage continue on with some key point 'Life's fractures can be mended by faith in Christ the Lord. At first the pain but then the gain and usefulness restored. When God forgives, He removes the sin and restores the soul...'

It's VERY OBVIOUS that the Lord spoke to me directly from the passage!!!! I couldn't stop praising the Lord and He made me to stand on my feet again!!!! God is brilliant and His mercy and kindness is unfailing...

Lastly, I really thank you so much for my mummy, my dearly jiejie, my god mom, and my mummy Yii who have been lifted me up!!!! Love you all~

2010-07-25T20:40:00.002+09:30

It's true that I have no rights to hate or angry someone, because I'm not better than that person. This person is so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhh more better than me in everything! I am NOT... I will try to stop hating and angry. I am too weak in everything~

Life' changing

2010-07-21T05:32:00.002+09:30

As I walk back home yesterday (around 5 plus in the evening), I shuffle down the path leading through the coffee shop, CIBO... I was talking to myself 'as the days grow shorter now and soon it will be dark.' Then, I realize that life is like the seasons we live through, and it is like the changing seasons always changing too. You can be so happily, joyful, and etc... But you can also be sad, angry, unhappy, etc in the next second... As for example, before you started to get angry or sad, there must have a reason to cause you felt that way. It's just like a weather, before we realize the cold wind starts to blow and we know it is winter coming soon. It was then we realize that life has changed so fast and only then we realize that nothing ever LASTS FOREVER. Life goes through the seasons as the years accumulate... If now somebody come to you and asked 'What is life mean to you?' What will be your answer???

I personally think that life is meant for living and enjoying each new day AND it is meant for loving those I meet along the way... I will never spend my summer years just basking in the sun, unless each minute that I spend is with a special one. People need each other to enjoy the trip through life. However, alone you can still enjoy the beauty that is everywhere. I only want to realize that in this autumn season, I had a purpose in this would and my life had a reason. It is to live and love and enjoy life for all that it is worth, but only if the lives I've touched had meaning and a purpose. Nobody knows whose life they touch or who they will embrace- just by actions that they do? or being face to face?

I will stop doing things that bring burdens or stress. No one will understand nor realize it!!! I will stop everything from now!!!!!!! Start again Emilly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Do not hold back but be for your own in everything~

Dementia Unit

2010-07-20T18:48:00.003+09:30

I really hate to waken up by the morning call...especially when you just had a night shift. What busy shift today at dementia unit~ Sadly don't understand any of the residents because they don't speak English, the only language they speak is Greek. Tough man~ but they are all soooooooooooo cute. There was a resident asked me to join her in bed (take a nap). HAHAHAHA~ the only word I can understand her is sleep here sleep here! :D She is so funny and adorable! Love her so much...:D

Suddenly feel so proud of myself~ This is my second week work as an agency, I've been offered a RN job by two places where I work. They loved me to work there permanently if can... HAHAHA~ So proud of myself..well, it wasn't me BUT God! I should give Him the Glory!!!!! Praise the Almighty God! Awesome God!

Sometimes, I wish I have dementia~ Cause you can easily forget things!!!!especially things that upseted you, or bla bla bla... COOL~

Have you ever doing things you don't truly want to? I believe you have! Many of us spend time fulfilling obligations and doing things we don’t truly want to be doing. We get stuck in old conditioning about what and who we are supposed to be. We react to old reflexes instead of truly engaging in life...

Every once in a while I will stop and reflect on what really matters to me and make a conscious choice to reorder my priorities and what is truly most important in life...

What a bad day today!!!!

2010-07-19T23:25:00.003+09:30

What a bad day today... Woke up early in the morning with running nose, sneezing, mouth ulcer and sore throat- can't even eat properly as the mouth ulcer annoyed me very much.... Then I cooked myself a noodle for lunch and took 2 tablets of Loratadine 10mg. Just after I'd taken them, Eileen told me that I shouldn't take them if I were off to work because it will cause sleepiness and tired... AND ALSO I shouldn't have take 2 tablets of Loratadine at once (overdose). Oh my~ Before the shift during the handover, I started to feeling weird and light headache as I thought it must be the effect of the Loratadine I took while ago... At the shift, while administering medications around... Oh my~ I was so extremely tired and sleepy with some dizziness... I was praying that God will give me the strength, prayed that I won't faint~ AND I THANK GOD!!!! I didn't faint... although I still felt sleepy and tiredness. But that's alright!!!:D Praise the Lord!!!!

Double effective medicine!!!

2010-07-18T16:18:00.003+09:30

Sometimes, I find out that by playing piano can actually numb your pain and all sort of things~ My strongest and effective medicine ever~ also by keeping yourself busy or work can stop all this according to one of the articles I read. Nice!!!

Why is family so important?

2010-07-17T19:06:00.003+09:30

I hate divorce's parents!!!! They never know or understand the pain and heartbreaking the children felt, they never care!!! Divorce is the saddest thing any children can endure. Trust me! I've seen it. Children are the one have to pay for the sins of their parents. They are the victim, they pay for the sins of democrats and liberals who are not afraid to dig into their lives and take everything away from them. To all parents!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE slug out your marriage! It is truly a scared vow and perhaps your highest commitment is to your children! Be tough and don't let your sins hinder and burden the rest of your child's life. Please~ If you have chosen divorce, please love your children and DO NOT LET THEM DOWN (Never!!!!). Children are so innocent!!! Please...have a little faith and show some of your compassion to them! I feel so sorry for the children!!!!!! They are like a broken vessel...

Perfect!

2010-07-17T17:02:00.003+09:30

Sometimes when I walk alone, I know where the next road or way leads me to. Sometimes I just spin around in circles, and find a road or way to nowhere. Sometimes I tell myself I still believe. I still believe that there’s something left for me. Sometimes I lose my mind second guessing every thought. That something inside is already gone.Sometimes I even try to save myself, but it seems that I’ll just lose you. Sometimes when I try to reach for you, it just seems that there’s no one to hold on to.

And I started to pray and lean on Jesus. Because I know He is the only one who’ll still wrap His hands around me when all else fails for me. Then it hit me. Who else would? Sometimes I think I’ve seen my fair share of life’s up and down, or how quickly life can actually turn around in an instant. I guess it’s just a judgment on us all. God says; You don't have to see the upside of things and be ready. You can just come to Me... You don't have to leave a blame behind you and create the life you want to live, you can just come to Me and allow Me to help you~ because I'm here to aid you all the time~just to aid you~

The more I live, the more I realize the impact of perfection in my life. Perfection is not a destination, it’s a journey with no end. I’m not perfect, but it scares me because I’m nowhere near it. People tell me that nobody is perfect. Then they tell me 'practice make perfect'. Sometimes I wish they’d actually make up their mind. Glad it hit me just fine. Well... Jesus saves anyway.

Strength can sometimes play an important role in life... It’s going through hardships and deciding not to surrender. It’ll only be born then, in the deep silence of long suffering hearts. It’s holding together with efforts and struggles even when all fails. And I’m not strong! Even the strongest man isn’t, when he’s standing alone... Although I’m not alone, I’m still dreaming. And I know, it’s only a dream. And only when we dream together, it becomes a reality.

He replied; Come now, Emilly... take my hand, and I’ll show you how to grow out of your weaknesses.

Positive thinking!!!

2010-07-17T09:48:00.002+09:30

It's time to change~ getting rid of all the negative thinking and fill with positive thinking!!! A new start!

I love this poem so much~ it's all about negative thinking...

If I were a hammer, I'd miss the nail.

If I were a knife, I'd cut a finger as well.

If I were a letter, I'd be lost in the mail.

If I were a criminal, I'd be stuck in jail.

If I were a student, I'd miss the bell.

If I were a boat, I'd have a torn sail.

If I were a beaver, I'd have lost my tail.

If I were in a storm, I'd get beaten with hail.

If I were a gossiper, I'd forget the tale.

If I were a farmer, I'd roll wet bale.

If I were a salesman, I'd lose the sale.

If I were a painter, I'd drop the pail.

If I were a boy, I'd be named 'Gayle'.

If I were a sinner, I'd go to hell.

I used to experience all those feelings very intensively and too frequently for my liking. Other people seemed to be doing so much better than me at almost everything and I had to figure out why. That's how my quest started!Thing seems to be changed~ no point going round and asking... But, stop all the negative thinking!!! I read up on various subjects and discovered that what people think influences the way they feel which in turn influences how they deal with situations in life. I started experiencing the benefits of positive thinking when I became more aware of my thoughts and my feelings. I read as many articles about positive thinking as possible and put into practice almost every technique I came across, from possitive affrimations to medication to using programs for positive thinking. Not sure whether will I reach it or not! Surely I will try~ I believe if I practice the things I write about everyday, my thoughts may have changed my life for the better in very little time and continues to do so as I learn more. Have to admit that although I still experience negative feelings, thought it doesn't happen as often and as distressingly as before. I now know how to think myself into feeling better....:D

THANK YOU!!!

2010-07-14T19:00:00.002+09:30

This week has been real busy~ BUT I really thank God at least there is my sister here with me, supporting me, caring me, and loving me. She even bought me lots of breakfast and lunch for a shift. What a good jiejie I've~ guys... please don't envy me :P I am so blessed to have my jiejie- the only and forever!!!! :D Having a sister is gift from God and having her with me all the time is the blessing~

And of course my mom... She is always the one worrying me~ felt so sad when she told me she's heartbreak to see me (working)- have to travel around to difference places everyday and night. Mummy, know that you loved me so much... But I promise I will be fine and strong! Stop worrying me, mummy... I love you and jiejie so much~

Pre- work stress

2010-07-11T17:21:00.004+09:30

Haven't been working since end of last year~ tomorrow will be my first day work as a Registered Nurse. It's really stressing me... Am so scared, Lord!!! I am really are.... 'Can I handle it?' Really have no idea what going to be my first day of orientation/ what to expect... Pray that God will guide and lead me through~ All the glory be to the Father~

Hopefully through this start, will help me to change~ A new start, Emilly!

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry...When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, it shows life that you have a thousand reasons to smile... As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your parents, friends, or sisters and brothers, and you'll cry because time is flying by... Took too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. We just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friends or sisters, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all- live in the moment because every second we spend angry or upset is a second of happiness we can never get back~

I may fell and failed today, I will raise again with my feet!!!!!!! I live not for myself but for God... Praise the Lord~

Sometimes I gonna have to lose...

2010-07-06T12:55:00.003+09:30

It's very true that sometimes, we got to have to lose it~

I can almost see it. That dream I'm dreaming, but there's a voice inside my head saying You'll never reach it. Every step I'm takin', Every move I make feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin' but I gotta keep tryin' gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain... I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle...Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there... Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side, it's the climb

The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking...Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking... I may not know it, but these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most. I've just gotta keep goin', and I gotta be strong... Just keep pushing on, but there's always gonna be another mountain... I'm always gonna wanna make it move always gonna be an uphill battle... Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose... Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waitin' on the other side... It's the climb.

There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle... Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there,
ain't about what's waitin' on the other side... It's the climb~ Keep on movin'! Keep climbin'! Keep faith baby! It's all about, it's all about the climb... Keep the faith, keep your faith... It's the CLIMB~

2010-07-06T02:33:00.002+09:30

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.

The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be...because of all I may become I will close my eyes and leap

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Courage ######

2010-07-05T11:46:00.002+09:30

I can feel the Holy Spirit touched me yesterday~ I surrendered myself to Him and whispered in my heart ''Dear Father, I really really hate myself sometimes, I don't know how to love myself, and I am not worthy to have your love either!'' But God replied; 'I am love! My love is unconditional! No matter how unworthy you thought you are- I loves you!!! Come to me when you think you couldn't handle life's uneasiness and difficulties, I will give you rest!'... Lord, if can I rather you hate me, punish me and never forgive me! But again He replied; 'you are so precious in My eyes.'

No one knows how the heart truly feels inside... Sometimes happy, joy, emptiness, sad or in pain and agony it suffers and makes emotion and love have no where to reside. You can see the facial expressions and think everything is going fine but you can see the dreadful pain of the heart that's so hard to define. So very often we smile, laugh, and talk to people each and everyday. Still from that moment to the next, no one ever knows the obstacles you challenge along the way!

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubts.
It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to share a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.
It takes strength to hide your own pain,
It takes courage to show it and deal with it.
It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.
It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.
It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.
It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on God.
It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to beloved.
It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

Surely not mine...

2010-07-01T23:40:00.004+09:30

I'm too silly sometimes... and I really do~ I've to admit this! When you've been searching for a thing since very young- although have found it! But surely it doesn't belong to you at all... Surely this thing and I have no related at all... Sometimes, I really think that I am over thinking so much~ doing so much~ wanting so much~ but it surely doesn't belong to me!!!! At first, I am thanking God so much~ but telling God; I don't deserve all this... Take them away from me~ Every time I thought of this, I felt my heart is melting down slowly... Breaking through the darkness I see no light, I'm in a dark mysterious night. In the corner of the room, my tears no longer can be consumed. I walk over to a little shining star, what is it? It seems very far. I heard my heart is shouting and crying out loud: Why is it!!!!! EMILLY!!!!! WHY ARE YOU love so much to have this thing??!!!!! WHY ARE YOU KEEP SEARCHING FOR??!!! SIGH~~~

Then~ I told myself to stop from walking down further... as it will hurts more at the end of the road... Let go and accept the truth~ I was born to be without this thing! I will surely don't get it although have found or keep searching!

When I go back to the Lord... He will surely provide me, heaps and heaps....that I could ever ask for~But... Really I just hope for one!!! One is more than enough..more than I wanted for...

what is in my mind now....

2010-06-18T00:22:00.002+09:30

Too many times when I realize something in my lives need to be changed, I try to change everything at once. I just felt that I am over selfish sometimes...which I guess I need to change to... I want to start reading the Bible more, keep a journal and go on a mission trip – and I want to do it all in the next week....?

You know what happens? I become overwhelmed with my efforts of change and then I become frustrated when the changes don’t go the way I want them to go and I quit…with no real change to show for my efforts.

Most of us simply try to change too much too fast. Remember, life is not a sprint. We don’t survive a marathon, much less win it, if we are sprinting one mile and walking the next. The winning pace has to be steady and constant. The same is true in life. The winning pace has to be maintained for a consistent time.

So, make my list of everything that needs to be changed. Pick one thing off the list. Do that. Then, come back and pick the next thing I want to change off the list. And keep doing this until I have totally run out of things on the list….(which I won’t ever do). I am trying to not putting too much pressure on myself. Don’t let other people put too much pressure on me. Slow and steady wins the race.

Exam!!!!!!

2010-06-05T20:26:00.002+09:30

I hate to wake up early in the morning during exam period! As I was having a thought of giving up today's exam. Here she is.... My dearly and only jiejie, she gave me hope to go on!!!! She woke up very early in the morning and preparing for my breakfast although she slept at 4am in the morning and woke up again early at 7am just for preparing breakfast for me! I felt so blessed for all the good work and love she has shown me.... I want to tell the world that I have a wonderful good sister that God given to me. She is the best sister I could ever wish for~ She is always there to leads me when I am having a problem, makes me laugh, always stands with me in all my ups and downs, and always there for me through all the laughter and tears. She is always real and never will pretend. Jiejie... you are someone like whom I treasure everyday in my heart!!!! I want to tell you that you are my jiejie until the very end~ Lastly, you are jiejie, the loving and supporting one, and the one I will always love!!!! Thank you so much for all jiejie have done! My biggest kiss and hugs to jiejie! Muacksssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

2010-05-29T23:34:00.003+09:30

I never thought how it will be~For me, to having a sister (part of my family) is a very specially gift given from God above. Which I can only get it once, because once is all I need.... Nothing can replace it, but at any time anything can take her away from me oneday and I knew I should learnt to let go~ So many times souls abuse it, but when in need no-one will refuse it! We live life in such a short time, so live it long and don't blind. I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Giving up doesn't always mean I am weak, sometimes it means that I am strong enough to let go...

I lying on bed and wonder, if maybe I shouldn't be here. I look at myself, and wonder maybe I don't deserve such a good sister- I deserve to die. Wonder if maybe everyone will be better off without me. Will I truly ever be happy? have love? Then I look at my little cross I carried and I see the innocence and trust. I know that there is always some kind of love for me. I see His love for me and I know that He will shed tears for me~ again I asked Him; should I leave this world? I looked at my families, loved one and wonder what they would do without me if I leave before them. Know that mom cares for me very much, I know that she would feel the pain, like no one else because that is her! Once again then I look myself...I see what I can be, with a little time and patience. I hope and pray for God's guidance to be upon me and the blessings, joy, peace, and protection to be with my family and loved one.

I know that Jesus will stand next to me, making me happy... and the strength to endure~ I've found myself~

Apologize for being rude!!!!

2010-05-29T09:59:00.003+09:30

Sorry mom, dad, god-mom, and all my loved one~ I've been rude. I just couldn't control or even hold my temper~ I hate those who tries to hurt my family, my only sister!!!! I love my family and sister very much~ and I can't see them being bullied or hurted. I will try my very best to protect them... However, sorry everyone for being rude!!!!!!! I am really sorry~

Stood up again!!!!

2010-05-22T01:00:00.002+09:30

Life can sometimes upset or frustrated us!!! I've been backsliding for quite sometime~ wonder how could I stand up again....? I've fell on too deep inside~ how am I going to stand again?

God is awesome and His mighty power is released and made available to bring victory and breakthrough into even seemingly impossible situations like how I am facing today...

He had brought me up again today by His mighty power!!!!

There is this friend of mine- rang me up and told me what she is going on in her life. While I am listening to her, I felt myself no different to her case and I am nothing. I've been backsliding, what could I tell her or giving her advise and courage by saying 'not to worry... God is in control'... I just felt I am not worthy at the same time. BUT God is faithful and mercy to guide me through this phone call... Unbelievable!!!! Everyone words that came out from my mouth wasn't what I wanted to say, and I realized it was God that spoke through me to her.

I felt the Holy Spirit's touched in me. He was telling me- it's time to stand up again, my beloved daughter... I will guide you and put you in this area to serve Me. Call out to Me, and I am ready to answer you...

God loves to hear His people pray. He always answers the call of the righteous. There’s sadness in His heart when there is prayerlessness in the earth. God is waiting for us to rise up and pray. He is longing for us to break through our flesh and the resistance over our prayer life. He is waiting to teach us and help us.

And today, God wants me to pick up my weapons and fight. I'm not praying out of fear or hearing a bad report, but out of the Spirit of God within me, from my position of victory in Christ. As I begin to realize what my position really is, it will cause great confidence and boldness to come into my prayer life. God has given me a sure foundation for a strong, mature prayer life – faith in God, covenant relationship, and position in Christ. From the strength of this foundation, I am prepared to build the structure of my prayer habits and turn loose effective, fervent prayer to make God’s power available in the strength and intensity that our generation and world must have.

All glory unto Thy Hand~Amen

A sister from God above!!!

2010-05-13T22:21:00.003+09:30

I have always wish and hoping for a sister~ I've lived without sister for 22 years, envy so much those who have a sisters... But now, I've found one (Cynthia Lau Sie San)!!! She is my only and dearly ah jie...although we have no blood related, God has made us sister! It's really blessing from God above!!! It’s such a wonderful thing to have her in my life; how well she have filled the role and how I hope and try my best to give her the same unconditional love that she have given me throughout the years of our lives. I don't know what I would have done without her in my life. What my life would be if I never met her… After all, every girl needs at least a sister, a confidant, and someone that they can count on no matter what! And I thank God for given me her. No matter how much we have argued, we would never be drawn apart. She is just so special! She is my joy that cannot be taken away. Once she enter my life, she is there to stay and became my dearly and only sister that God gave me. Many times during my time of despair and weary- she is the one there who helps me through difficult times, and her comforting words are always worth much more than anything else. She is my angel who fills my life with laughs and smile most of the time and these memories will gonna last for miles and miles.... This quote are very true: A sister is God's way of providing, He doesn't want us to walk alone....

Finally graduated from University

2010-04-28T10:12:00.008+09:30

View more of my graduation pictures at Facebook!!!!!!!!:)

After all my hard work, I have finally graduated. But not only my hard work but it's God's grace Who's at work within me. Simply by my own strength and knowledge, I can never won the battles. No matter how hard I have tried and I've tried, it's always the same on my own, everything messed up. And now, I want to give the One Who's at work within me all the glory. Praise the Lord~ Praise the King of King~ Praise the Savior~ Praise the Creator~ For it's Him and not me...This I clearly see, it's His grace that enables me~

Heaven and sister

2010-04-08T22:02:00.004+09:30

Heaven is amazing... If I get back to Heaven one day, I wish and hoping God will bless me with a SISTER even just one. I loved so much to have a sister... Since I was young, I always envious so much those who have sisters. A sister is someone who loves you from the heart no matter how much you argue you cannot be drawn apart. For me, having a sister is a joy that cannot be taken away... When faced problem, I wanted so much to have a sister here with to helps me through difficult times... even with a comforting words are worth much more than dimes. Having a sister by my side is like a world filled with life, days full of strife, heart filled with love, and is a BLESSING! Sister is a companion to whom I can express my feelings at all time...

Journey?

2010-03-25T12:01:00.001+10:30

Life Life Life!!!! Life is a journey...Life's journey always filled with choices. Whatever choices we have made, we should be responsible, calm and even brave when facing the results brought by our own choices... Lord, no matter where you are leading me to, I will go as Your will~ But please~~~ not now!!! I wanted so much to wait for my sister~ :(

Back to Malaysia!!!

2010-03-14T02:59:00.002+10:30

Spent a night in the airport- really tiring... Nothing to do except for reading, chatting, and writing blog. Am so excited to meet my new born cousin tomorrow... Can't wait now!!!!

Glorified art Thou, O Lord my God! I beseech Thee by Thy Chosen Ones, and by the Bearers of Thy Trust, and by Him Whom Thou hast ordained to be the Seal of Thy Prophets and of Thy Messengers, to let Thy remembrance be my companion, and Thy love my aim, and Thy face my goal, and Thy name my lamp, and Thy wish my desire, and Thy pleasure my delight.

How should I grow to be a mature women of God?

2010-03-04T18:24:00.003+10:30

It has been quite sometime I haven't update my blog since weeks ago... I've been very busy with my placement and exams! Well, finally everything is done! I've successfully completed all this! BUT, I wanted to thank HIM!!! He is the One who brought me through..., He taught me how to be a strong and mature women, how to handle life's many issues in a mature way, He walked me through my multiple challenges without falling apart!

I just completed my hospital training last week, seriously... I am missing them so much... It has been a great placement! I really enjoyed it! Especially all the staffs there! They have been very supportive and cares for me... I really appreciate them!

Last week, I had a practical exam (30%), I was so worried and nervous that I only slept for 2 hours preparing for this very important exam. Went to Uni early in the morning and sat under the tree alone- studying and studying while waiting for the exam. I tell God that I am so worried and nervous!!!! I couldn't stop! Later, God sent an angel to me (Jack), in the message 'No mountains high enough, no oceans deep enough to separate us from the love of Christ, and His peace which is beyond understanding, shall be with you always!' I felt so much relieved. I went in to the exam hall with full of faith and believes that God is with me and He will guide me through...

Finally it's over!!!! I was told that I have passed. Yeah!!!!! Praise the Lord. Even though I didn't do it well but God passed me! I just hoping for a 'pass'. That's it! However, when I checked my result the day after- I was totally shocked, stunned, and speechless... I thought I will score maybe 15-18% out of 30% cause I did it quite badly... Guess what??? I've got 25% out of 30%. It is UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! Not me!!! It was Him!!! He is to be praise not me! I am doing nothing! He is to be giving all the credit! Not me! It is by God's mighty weapons (prayer, faith, hope, love, God's word, and the Holy Spirit)! God's mighty weapons helped me to fight against satan's strongholds. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

It is true that His grace is sufficient to get me through every situation :) He is awesome!!! Amen!

One thing that I realised; no believer is exempt from trials, and no trial is unique... all trials are common, usual, typical, and not exceptional. Circumstances differ but basic temptations do not. This is an encouragement and it reminds me that success is possible. No temptations is beyond human resistance. I can still recall my anxiety... huh! that one week looked like an impossible to cross mountain range. But through God's word and His mighty power gave me courage and the assurance that I wasn't alone. I knew I could make it through because others had. Thank God!!!!! Really thank Him.

Dear readers, our problems are simply human problems. People handle them, grow through them, triumph over them and endure them. We have to fight our tendency to build our problems up, even to the point of taking pride in them. We can't let ourselves think and act like we are different, unique, set apart, special when it comes to trials.

To my beloved and dearest sister

2010-02-15T18:03:00.003+10:30

Specially for my dearly sister~ from the bottom of my heart!!!!

We've shared laughter, tears, lost and found... Though it all we've stayed together from heart breaks to soul mates. From life's hardships to life's happiness-our silly nights, stupid fights, and etc. We have been through life's sorrow and pain but together we have always endured the strain. Although we've argued and bickered and made each other mad sometimes but if you weren't my sister, life would be damn sad. We've whispered our deepest secrets only sisters could share... Thank you for walking, accompanying, and giving me comfort all the all way through my time of trials. I really felt we are so close to each other- you are just like my long lost sister that I've been searching for. Thank jie (Cynthia LAu)... Even though we both have no blood relationship, but God has blessed me with a sister- much more than I ever asked, hoped, wished for. I really love you, ah jie because you really cares-so whether we are together or we are far apart one day. CYNTHIA LAU SIE SAN, you are my sister, best friend and forever in my heart!!!! Thanks sister!!!!

2010-01-02T17:31:00.002+10:30

Haven't been update for a while... AND Yeahhhh It's year 2010!!!! Wishing everyone have a wonderful New Year. Looking back on the years gone by, as year 2010 starts and year 2009 ends... recalling all the happy moments and times in Adelaide, remembering how my family, my friends (especially Cynthia and Eileen Chan) and church (GOD) has enriched my lives. As the fresh and bright new year arrives, I immediately think of Jesus Christ. No matter what is going to happen this year, I believe the One who saved me, giving me new life, and created me will surely remove the mountain and storms in my life! Thank You, Lord- for being one of the reason I will have a REALLLL Happy new year... After my final placement, I will be freeeeeeeeee!!!!! Well, not really- applying for PR, IELTS, job, and etc....

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALLLLLLL!!!!!

Why do You choose me?

2009-12-02T23:08:00.001+10:30

God has chosen me because He loves me~

Last semester- I was told that I've failed my 'Indigenous Health'' subject. I was totally speechless, cried, and questioning God: WHY? God... I did try my best but Why? I don't understand! I was so depressed, stressed, sad, DISAPPOINTED, and discouraged. I seen myself sinking down into deep-wide sea and struggled- I was trying to avoid this, pretending I am 'okay', and I even thinking of suicide (most silly and stupid thought-I knew). However, none of these brought me to live again! It was GOD GOD GOD GOD! My God, your God who brought me to live again! It was Him who carried me... As well as my superbest sister Cynthia Lau Sie San. Thank God for her who walked through with me and encouraged me to go on.... The tutor gave me a second chance to re-take the subject in this semester.... AND I thought I will do well and will surely pass.... BUT???

The biggest mistake I'd made!
This semester- I handed in all my weekly assignments on time and I was over-confident without checking first before handed in. We were told to hand in assignment 1a (week 3 reading response), I was so happy because the question are the same as my previous semester'. So, I will just using the old assignment for this! Yes! Easy!

A week goes by... I received an e-mail from my tutor, saying that: 'Dear Emilly, I would like you to make an appointment to see me regarding your assignment 1a'. Oh gosh~ Please... Not again~~~ I went. She asked whether I copied other people's work. I honestly replied her; 'NO! I was using my previous assignment as I did well on those piece of assignment! But I did changed a bit of the content by adding some example!'. 'Emilly, even thought there are all your own work but I will fail you with this piece of assignment as we had given you a second chance, that's mean you are to re-do everything, Not by copying your previous work (which counted as paraphrasing as well). So, I decided to fail you with 0% mark on assignment 1a! Also, as I read through your assignment 2 (70%) this morning, I did see your improvement but still you need more work on it! You've got only 47% BUT I am giving you a chance for resubmit your paper. The maximum score for resubmit work is 50%, which mean even you did really well in this paper- You will only get 35% overall unless you score full mark for assignment 1b! feel free to see me if you have any problem!'. Yet, it was indeed tough on my side- so depressed, discouraged, disappointed, and cried!!!!

Again, Cynthia has been there for me, encouraged me with words and comfort. I really thank God- Thanking Him for this sister, who walked with me whenever, wherever, whatever,...I gone through. She is always there to comfort and encourage me with words =)

Also, Courtney (the tutor) helped me so much in this piece of assignment!

2 weeks goes by (Yesterday), I received an e-mail from my tutor-asking 'Could you please make an appointment to see me regarding your assignment? today if possible'. Oh my~ God... WHat again? Am I going to fail again? I've been trying and working so hard on both assignments! What else?! I am so scared and worried!!!! Luckily my dear sister Cynthia who so wanted to accompany me to Uni along with Kiing. We went- on my way to Uni, I was listening to a gospel song and at the same time, I prayed~ Don't know why... As I prayed, I just felt something is different... the joy inside me (both eyes filled with 'joyful-tears').

Reached Uni- walked in the door, my tutor were smiling at me and invited me to sit. 'Emilly, I can see that you've improved so much...Which is brilliant and excellent! However, you've got overall 48% (fail). BUTTTTTT because of your hardwork and improvement, I am going to pass you with this topic! Now, turn over and walk out from this door with joy, go and celebrate now!'. OMG!!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise Him. All the glory be to the Lord! I have passed all my topic with a very good mark!!! Yeah!!!!! Praise the Lord.

One thing I really learnt from this storm of my life- I realised that when I was going through tough time or facing my storm of life, God has never leave me.... He is there all the time with me; watching over me, comforting me, holding me, walking with me, protecting me... I truly believe that; God sometimes allowed things to happens for a purpose! He want me to truly recognise His LOVE, and He is with me, He cares... and wanted to draw me near to Him.

Now I know: God has chosen or put me into this trial for a purpose because He want to show his love for me. He wants me to know how much He really cares and loves...whenever in what situation~ He is true living God!

I am my OWN

2009-11-21T15:44:00.002+10:30

When you say left, I will insist on right. When you say it's black, I will insist it's white. And when you say I'm in the wrong! I am Wrong. So, I go ahead with making mistakes... I am my own.

2009-11-20T17:31:00.007+10:30

I always control well with my temple and anger... BUT since yesterday and today... I've been totally lost my temple; shouted at two of my patients~ I'm really freaking out! I am tooooooooooooooooooooooo tired, LORD. I NEED a rest~ Things seem to be tougher and overwhelming!!!!! Emotional, moody, freak out, argggggh!!!!!! Just too much! Lord, I need you to guide me and lead me!!!! I need your strength to be able to control my emotional this dayyy~

A new patient, Patient A asked to change her IDC bag, went in and done it! She shouted and scolded me! "Don't you know what are going to do! You don't know anything! Get out NOW! I want this to be done and that to be done bla bla bla..............". I am full of questions mark over my head! "WHAT??!! My anger burns up: I've done everything you said and NOW! what else do you need to be done! sorry~ I need to go now!"

Another patient!!! so much to say about her!!!!! arggghh.... TOTALLY SPEECHLESSSSSSSSSSS

REST REST REST REST REST REST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT....... things that's hurting and made me so freaking out days ago.... Has out of my mind! Don't mind anymore~ Let it go, let it be, and be myself! :) YES!

I am MY OWN~

2009-11-09T01:44:00.003+10:30

Weak and Strong

2009-11-06T21:04:00.003+10:30

Lord, I don't know why You allow things to happen sometimes. I don't understand and don't know what to do... But I know God have something special and better for me, I just need to accept them, trusting Him and follow His ways, guiding, leading, and etc... God always cares and loves- He is the most understandable best friend of mine. I know although I am weak, but I am very strong under His cares and wings. It is indeed hurting so much but I knew I got to be strong and have faith in Him alone. YES LORD! No matter what will happen next or later, I will continue to praise You, to give thanks, to love, to obeys, and to follow Him...

God is the only one I can rely and depend on- without Him into my life, I am dead long ago... whatever I do or does- May all the glory be to God. Even in this time of sadness, pain, and disappointment- I have God in my life, I have Him to rely and depend on, He is always there to comfort me, strengthen me, and walk with me...

I really want to thank God!!!! Some of you might think I have gone crazy by the storm of life; why do I still thanking God and praising him for allowing this to happen. THE ANSWER is; Without the trials, I will never know or experience or truly understand how much He loves me, cares for me, and how much I mean to Him... Honestly, without this storm of life, I will never be drawn near to God nor I will be able to experience His mighty work, mighty hands, and mighty power in me...

I want to PRAISE HIM and Give THANKS to HIM everyday!!!!!! All glory be to God....

This is the day THE LORD HATH MADE....

2009-10-24T18:14:00.007+10:30

I have to admit that- "I am NOT A PRO 'PHOTOGRAPHER' "

Finally........the day is here~ Jie's and Kevin's wonderful day. God has brought both of you together to be united in His love with faith in God above. Today two hearts, two lives, will begin as one and unity. They will say their vows, and say I DO :) Both jie and Kevin will seal it with a kiss, and their life together has begun, forever bound, forever true, and together through this journey of love, both of them will cherish, comfort, and trust each other ;) They both are special and precious to God. May God's blessing shine on them abundantly...

I really really really really happy for her and Kevin. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!! I nearly cry seriously (over-joyed) when I saw her walked down in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies...aww~ She changed her name today~ Siew Wai CHEN or Mrs. CHEN.
I really felt so so so so so so so so so so...very sorry to you for I can't go for the wedding dinner...

2009-10-16T05:55:00.002+10:30

I cried! Logan, you are an amazing person. I pray that you are blessed richly and continue in your faith. Be as mighty as a pillar Logan. Your message, simple as it was, was more powerful to me any any sermon that I have heard for a while. Your love is so serious and true and pure that it has a strength that will last you a life-time. Keep your faith Logan, we need Christians like you. Not only for the unbeliever but for the believers as well. How awesome! As I sit here crying, this makes me feel so much more Faith, Love and realization that there is still hope. A young child who can just so naturally show his adoration for God makes you feel that innocence again. We should ALL try to think as this little boy does and the world would be a better place. God Bless you Logan.

2009-10-15T18:12:00.002+10:30

I have finally finished one of my assignment. Have been very very very very busy from the past few week- Catching up with my assignments, studies, working, and etc.... BUT, God is great! Even though it has been quite a tough week, God never turn His eyes away from me. He knew what I am going through and He knows. So many lessons I've learned from all this... First; as lots of my NH's patients has gone and left only few- I thought it will be easy and free for now... but it didn't! I praise the Lord... because of His amazing work and trials. Honestly, my workload was increased and never been so easy as I thought. But God Himself chose to provide me with all the strength I would ever need to endure and make it through to the other side- God wants me to rely and depend on Him instead of my own strength. I have to admit that I am weak sometimes, but I knew; in my weakness, I have God's power to endure, move forward, and triumph. INSTEAD of taking away my storm or problem everyday, God blessed me with His grace to get through it. How amazing He is! Whenever I am weak and suffering and in need, God's power is there... If everything went so well in us, I believe all of us don't feel the power or strength of God and we will even turn our eyes away from Him. It takes our weakness to become aware of our need for His strength and it is our weakness that shows His strength in us. Therefore, whenever I am weak, I feel that I am strong and mighty and powerful because God's strength is revealed to me.

Second; As I've mentioned before, I have been catching up with my assignment. ok... Assignment. One of my assignment suppose to due on Monday (the 12th@4pm) and I haven't even finish all the reading all the articles on Friday, last week. When I realized this, I was so panic and anxious. HOW??? HOW am I going to finish this! I need more time... and it was also too late for extension. Well, on Sunday night, I e-mailed my tutor regarding my extension of the assignment. I was over anxious and panic as it was 4am in the morning Monday, I haven't got the e-mail from my tutor. I was so scared... At 10am- I received an replied e-mail from her and says; I can't grant you extension as I am not allow to, only the Topic Co is in charge. So, I have to get another reply from the topic co. Finally I've got a replied from Topic co and she approved my last min extension request. THANK GOD!!!!! After that, I just realized that I have a presentation tomorrow (Tuesday) at 0900hrs which I totally forgot and haven't even start a word yet. HOW? Should I do the presentation first? or what??? I working on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. How am I going to manage this? BUT.... BEFORE I even ask God, He knew what I want and He searched my heart... I've got an e-mail from Uni saying that; tomorrow presentation will be cancelled due to my tutor was on sick leave. OMG~ How could it be? God... You're great! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! He is in control~ Lord, again I surrender myself to YOU. Have control over me... No matter how big the storms are, You love and power will there to strengthen me! Amen. All the glories be to JESUS!

2009-10-09T17:06:00.002+10:30

Piano is always my 'Anti-anxiety' medicine. Really stress with my assignments!!!!! Arg~~~

2009-10-07T17:54:00.004+10:30

Woke up at 2:30am early in the morning due to my terrible cough- annoyed me... couldn't sleep after that and working at 7am which mean I've to get up at 0500hr. Really tired~~~ My headache killing me throughout the shift- dealing with some tough and troublesome patients today which caused my headache even worst! I lost my patience and moody. But I felt relieved after one of my favorite patient came to me and says; I always love to see you and I wish you were here everyday. <---that brought tears to my eyes... I hugged her and she hold me so tightly to herself. Thank You, Jesus. I knew it was You, who sent her to me in my needs of strength and comfort. When I am weak, God is giving me the strength to go on... When I am down, He give me the courage to stand up again. When I am in need, He will surely sent someone or Himself to me. When I am sad or disappointed, He is there with me and comfort me.... Heavenly Father, there is none like You. Your love for me is bigger than anyone... Even though I might lose everything one dayy, but I knew Your love for me will never gone. Love You Jesus.... Still I need Your strength and courage everyday...

2009-10-01T21:00:00.002+09:30

Back to work again after the retreat (6 days off from work)! Have been so sick since last night.... running nose, sneezing, sore throat, coughing, muscle ache, ?fever, shivering, and tiring. In workplace today, erm... should I say good??? or bad??? Well... both I guess.

Bad- I am so sick that I still have to go to work today! Having some tough time during the shift... Well, to cut the whole story short, I felt so inadequate, and in my time of weakness I so wanted to give up. I was totally stunned when 'she'(patient's daughter) yelled at me on the phone... No one has ever yelled on me before...not even my parents does.... I was stunned, speechless....

Good- But God impressed upon me the importance of my faithfulness through His word. So, I depended on and drew upon His grace. He enabled me to follow through and stay faithful during those tough time today... There are so many other duties and responsibilities I have; the challenge of caring for my residents. Whether they are ill or very ill or sick or dying, I get up every day and face them (through the God's strength). They're right in front of me; administering medications, assessments, documentations, wound dressing, and etc... Sometimes when I think of my shift tomorrow I screech, 'haiz...' because there is always work to be done there. Do you think dealing with the daily duties at workplace- taking care of the patients requires God's grace? I personally think "YES!" It's His assignment for me and it has its rewards, but it is tiring and sometimes discouraging and seemingly impossible. Praise God... His grace comes to the rescue when I am dead tired, pressed for time, and disheartened by troubles... Really thank God, His strength enables me to stay, to remain, to endure, to work, to assist others, to see all things through to the end... Thank You Lord. Thank You Jesus!!!!

How I wish I could share more here... but~ really feeling so discomfort~ omg... nose bleed.

2009-09-26T11:53:00.002+09:30

Happy birthday my dearly Lau Sie Cow... hehe~ I hope you love this very video from me...

Another raining day...

2009-09-22T11:53:00.002+09:30

Cloudy, raining, cold.... makes me homesick so much...

2009-09-21T09:56:00.002+09:30

Dying........ Really stress!!! Everyone is enjoying their holidays; shopping etc... but I need to do my freaking assignments and preparation, and WORKING!!!!! I am bursting. Lord, give me the strength to move on~ You alone knows & cares how I felt! Delivery me now... Take all my anxiety, stress, all away from me....

Susan Boyle!!!!

2009-09-18T11:46:00.006+09:30

Love her so much!!!!!!!! Can't wait to buy her 1st album which will be released on 23 November 2009. Her voices touched deeply in me~ Weldone SUsan Boyle!!!!!

All the glory be to God

2009-09-15T12:00:00.005+09:30

I really need to share this!!!! I'm sure you've heard of Wonder women or Superwoman or superlady or whatever superheroes. And I sometime try to emulate their strength and valor on a lesser scale in our not-so super daily lives. Like them, we attempt to accomplish the impossible....only our failure rate is off the scale. Personally I would rather be a lady who, no matter how weak or limited, is filled with the power of God, a lady who is strengthened with His glorious might, a lady who strives according to God's power, which works mightily in her. That's what I wanted to be and need for myself when trials come.

Since yesterday till today(even in class), I was totally speechless... -On my way to Uni this morning, in the bus I was listening and reading God's work. I felt something really different and I just don't know how to explained it. God's word spoke to me on 2 Corinthians 12:9- And the Lord said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' I don't know about you, but sometime I just have the sense; whenever something goes wrong in my life or in a difficulties situation, I always felt that God is near me... I felt relieved... So far I have learned that trials are a reality of everyday life. But through this trials I learned and acknowledge the qualities of stability and endurance which result from tests of faith. I believe everyone of us often willing to do almost anything to keep from going through those trials because NO ONE wants to SUFFER. Am I right? No one either wants to endure difficult situations. But since I now recognize that staying in my trials is what perfects and matures me, hopefully my attitude is changing. Well, come back to the point. After finished class today, I heard someone calling me but I just got lazy and tired to answer her. Then, before I am about to walk out from the class, these woman came to me, and said 'we are relieved from this!' My reactions were "What? Really? Seriously? How come? How can it be?" Well,it is true indeed. I am overjoyed~ God, thank You so much...

WHen the road gets rough and the going gets tough, I always tend to asking God, "Why? WHy? Why? so many Why?." His words lead me through and taught me; rather than questioning and asking for an explanation from God, I can accept what is happening to me because I know it is for a good cause, look to God for strength, and endure to the end... My God, Your God is God of impossible....Amen!!!!

Mummy.... Thank you for your prayer and your message (made my tear flows like a river):) Love you love you heapssssssssss

2009-09-14T19:05:00.002+09:30

O Lord, I beseech thee to deliver me from the fear of the unknown future; from fear of failure; from fear of poverty; from fear of bereavement; from fear of loneliness; from fear of sickness and pain. Help me, O Father, by thy grace to love and fear thee only, fill my hearts with cheerful courage and loving trust in thee... through my Lord and Master Jesus Christ' name I pray and ask this all. Amen.

God made this day, ordained this hard hour, designed the details of this difficulties moment. He isn't on Holiday. He still holds the conductor's baton, sits in the cockpit, and occupies the universe's only throne. I am really in disappointed at what has just happened!!! I don't know what is Your plan, Lord. But I believe You do have Your purpose and plan for me... BUT I am really scared and feared so much... Once I got home today, I checked my e-mail and I read an e-mail sent by 'crosswalk' about fearless. I am really surprised and asked "Is that You,Lord? Are You trying to tell me something?" It says in this very mail; Fear Not! For I am with You always! And later it taught me through the bible verses from Matthew 8:23-27. Matthew 8:26 suddenly struck me that how little faith I have. I believe we all know that fear was sudden because storm was even though not all the storms come suddenly. But this very storms in me however springs like a lion out of the grass.

How little faith I am? When the moment I started to feel scare and afraid/fear, FEAR has already in control of my lives, shapes my lives, and safety becomes my god. When safety becomes my god, I worship the risk-free life! Few questions arose in this e-mail which struck me deeply; Can the safety lover do anything great? can the risk-averse accomplish noble deeds? For God? For others? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. The fear-filled cannot love deeply. Love is risky. They cannot give to the poor, they cannot dream wildly- ONLY Jesus Christ alone can love and wages such a war against fear. God says;
So don’t be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows (Matt. 10:31)
Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven. (Matt. 9:2)
I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough. (Matt. 6:25)
Don’t be afraid. Just believe, and your daughter will be well. (Luke 8:50)
Take courage. I am here! (Matt. 14:27)
Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. (Matt. 10:28)
Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:32)
Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. . . . I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. ( John 14:1, 3)
Don’t be troubled or afraid. ( John 14:27)
“Why are you frightened?” he asked. “Why are your hearts filled with doubt?” (Luke 24:38)
You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. (Matt. 24:6)
Jesus came and touched them and said, “Arise, and do not be afraid.” (Matt. 17:7)

Jesus doesn’t want me to live in a state of fear. Nor do I. I've learned the high cost of fear. Jesus’ question is a good one. He lifts his head from the pillow, steps out from the stern into the storm, and asks, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” (Matt. 8:26).

Fear may fill my world, but it doesn’t have to fill my hearts. The promise of Christ and the contention of this book are simple: we can fear less tomorrow than we do today.

Spiritual Confusion??!!

2009-09-12T11:28:00.003+09:30

There are times in my spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that I should not be confused, BUT a matter of God taking me through a way that I temporarily do not understand. I really thank God by going through the spiritual confusion that I will come to the understanding of what God wants for me. There are too many things which caused me so much pain and left wandering and questioning... I don't know why God sometimes place those circumstances in my life, BUT I always believe the time will come when everything will be explained. There seems to be a cloud on my daily life everyday; the sorrow, sufferings, circumstances, and etc..., which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. And sometimes I asked myself; when God appears to be completely shrouded, will I hang on with confidence in Him? Will I? Will I??? One thing I do realized that through all these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching me how to walk in faith. Yes~ even though I really really really hates the clouds in my lives, but if there were never any clouds in my lives, I would have no faith... Do you agree me?

Today, I keep on thinking and looking back....my journey with Him. He taught me a lot through the clouds. His purpose in using the cloud is to simplify my beliefs until my relationship with Him is exactly like that of a child-a relationship between God and my own souls, and where other people are. Is my relationship with God becoming more simple than it has ever been??? ehamm...???

Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you and I do not understand what God is doing. REMEMBER- He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now...